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Happy Thoughts

How to Build Confidence

Confidence comes from our own personal visions of success. When we are living up to that success, we are confident in ourselves and our worth. When we fall short of that vision, we lose confidence.

How to Build Confidence

Given that confidence is one of our pillars of happiness, it should be no surprise that confidence enables happiness. That said, I want to spend a few minutes talking building confidence.

Confidence is believing that you are worthy and deserving of happiness. If you don’t see yourself as worthy, you won’t think you deserve it. Which is utterly ridiculous because we are all worthy. We just tend to look at our worth through the eyes of others.

Confidence comes from our own personal visions of success. When we are living up to that success, we are confident in ourselves and our worth. When we fall short of that vision, we lose confidence.

The problem, why so many of us lack confidence, is that we don’t spend time reflecting on our own personal versions of success. Instead we focus on how we’re doing compared to other people’s versions. And it’s never easy chasing someone else’s dreams.

Instead, define your success and then celebrate each moment that gets you closer to achieving it. If right now, your vision of success is completing a marathon, confidence in reaching that goal comes from the training you do.

If success means raising your kids to be kind, then confidence comes each time they show love and respect and compassion toward others.

Confidence is about finding worth in your purpose. In order to build confidence, you must first understand your goal.

Confidence-building activities:

Give a compliment in every conversation you have. And mean it. The more comfortable you get celebrating other people, the more confident you’ll get celebrating yourself.

Learn to accept complements. This one’s always been a struggle for me, but it’s extremely important to your happiness. When someone compliments you it’s because they mean it. They see your worth. They are celebrating your success. You might not believe them, but that doesn’t change the authenticity of their compliment.

Also, you should believe them. They speak the truth.

Make a list of your successes. It can be today’s successes or a lifetime of successes. Some might be big, life-altering moments. Others might appear so small you question writing them down. Do it. Each is proof you deserve happiness. Yes, even getting out of bed in the morning makes you worthy of happiness.  

When you like something, say something. Online or off. When you enjoy a moment, say so. Push the like button. Compliment the sweater. Share the story that changed your perspective. If it brought you joy, react to it and let the other person know. That builds their confidence, making them comfortable sharing more of the things that enable your happiness.

Wear a confidence-inspiring shirt. This is my go to. And you know what? It works. A CVS employee blushed when she read “The world is better because you’re in it.” People say thank you when I wear the “You’re doing a great job” shirt. I’ve been stopped in the stardust shirt for pictures. If you’re not comfortable throwing compliments around like confetti, wear them instead. People who need to hear the words will appreciate the thought.

Take a confidence-boosting mini-course. Happy U's The You Boost course uses the science of happiness to help you develop a confidence practice that gives voice to the amazing power of your story. Learn more.