Growing up, I was confident in my intelligence.
In college, I was confident in my abilities.
When I lost 80lbs, I was confident in both my appearance and my self discipline.
When I moved to Houston, I was confident in my career.
As a wife, I was confident in our journey.
As a mother, I was confident in my love.
But it wasn’t until recently that I became confident in me, my true self, flaws and all.
It took me a long time to believe I was good enough, that I deserved all the happiness I wanted and that I was capable of being successful on my terms. It wasn’t until recently that I even fully knew how much my lack of confidence had dictated my life.
I went through all the motions I had been told to. I followed the path set before me. I failed some, yes, but succeeded far more often. But I did it because other people were confident in me. It was their confidence fueling my journey, so it was their versions of success I was succeeding at. I wasn’t unhappy, but I wasn’t living a life based on my pursuit of happiness.
To be confident in myself, flaws and all, is truly exhilarating. Now don’t get me wrong, I doubt myself. And I still feel myself failing at times. But I know deep down, I believe with everything I am, that I am 100% capable and deserving of the life I desire. That’s the difference.
So what got me here? At what point did it finally click that I was truly worthy of my life? Honestly, I had the life I was living pulled out from under me due to unforeseen greed and ego. And I found myself oddly okay with it.
Sure, it upped our stress about health insurance and living expenses. We wondered whether our kids could stay at their amazing daycare. We knew the travel we loved so much would be put on hold. Again. And yet, I was relieved.
It wasn’t my life I had lost. It wasn’t the life I wanted, no the life I deserved, that had been taken from me. It was merely the life I ended up with by following the plans and paths of others who believed in me and my abilities. Now was the time for me to write my own path and confidently follow it.
We all have the life we are living and the life we dream of living. I’m going to say right here, right now TO YOU, to find a way to live that dream life. You deserve it. You are capable of it. It’s yours for the living.
Happiness isn’t knowing your dream, it’s believing that you deserve to live it.
